America's Milestone Memories

Dear America,

For 242 years old, you’re looking good. Of course, realistically, you’re still just a pup. On a recent trip to Ireland, I sipped whiskey in pubs older than 242. Heck, I think even the barstools in the airport pre-dated the Second Continental Congress. The friends I visited in Prague live in a renovated 250-year-old farmhouse. The Hapsburgs were working on their 7^th monarch when Thomas Jefferson started rough drafting your famous declaration.

And yet, at 242, I’m worried about you. You’ve got a few issues, but it’s your birthday, so let’s not talk about any shortcomings. Today, we’re celebrating. We’ve got 361 other days to try to mend the places where you’re taking on water. I too am having a birthday. It’s next week and it’s a big one: 50. In light of my milestone, I thought it’d be cool to look back at some of your momentous birthdays.

Sweet 16 (1792) – With George Washington as president, the US Post Office Department was created. It’s also the year that Benjamin Franklin added the term “going postal” to his Poor Richard’s Almanac. Notable births: John C. Calhoun’s wife. Notable deaths: George Mason and John Paul Jones.

21 (1797) – You were finally old enough to drink and you got your second president when GW turned the office over to John Adams. 1797 is also the year that Sam Adams retired as governor of Massachusetts and started his Boston-based brewery. Interesting timing, don’t cha think?

30 (1806) – You decided to put your youthful, carefree days behind you. You had 15 stars on your flag and it was time to put down some roots, puff out your chest, and make a name for yourself. With Jefferson in office, Lewis and Clark returned home after exploring the uncharted territories to your west. Too bad they whiffed on finding the Northwest Passage during their three-year expedition. Ironically, sometimes it takes me three years to cross the Sepluveda Pass on the way out of Los Angeles. Notable births: Jane Pierce (Franklin’s wife). Notable deaths: Benjamin Banneker and Henry Knox.

40 (1816) – You decided to go quietly into your 40s. I understand, 40^th birthday parties can often be quite embarrassing. Other than adding Indiana to the union, the only big news from 1816 was James Madison becoming president, defeating Rufus King in the process. Even though Madison is an important figure in your history, I think it would have been pretty dang cool to have a POTUS named Rufus.

50 (1826) –Once again you entered a new decade of existence rather quietly. The strangest news story of the year was the Eggnog Riot at West Point. Apparently, some thirsty cadets turned the academy into a 19^th-century version of Animal House with a rowdy two-day, pre-Christmas party. Arms were drawn, arrests were made, and several cadets were court-martialed. Among those not disciplined was future confederate leader Jefferson Davis. Rumor has it that U.S. Grant sent Davis 50 barrels of eggnog after the Civil War. Interestingly, both Davis’ and Grant’s wives were born in 1826. Notable deaths: Jefferson and John Adams, both on July 4^th of all days.

75 (1851) – Well, America, you were officially a geezer in the 1850s. Millard Fillmore was your president and you had 31 stars on your flag. The Gold Rush was in full swing and up in Oregon, a coin toss was used to determine the name for a new city. The options were Boston and Portland. I’m happy with the outcome because the Boston Trailblazers just doesn’t sound right. Doc Holliday was born; while Thomas Lincoln (Abe’s dad) and James Fenimore Cooper died in 1851.

100 (1876) – You really went big for your centennial. Alex G. Bell made a memorable phone call (Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you), Tom Edison patented his mimeograph, Custer made a last stand, and the National League of Baseball Clubs was formed. Grant was president, Heinz made ketchup and Adolphus Busch marketed Budweiser. There were no notable births and nobody famous died, other than, well, General Custer.

200 (1976) – The bicentennial. Your first big birthday that I remember. I was eight, and both my parents had afros that would have made Dr. J proud. In the world of sports, the ABA and the NBA merged, which was good news for Dr. J, except that he had to travel to Portland, not Boston, to play the Trailblazers. A pair of Steves, Jobs and Wozniak, formed Apple Computers, Patty Hearst was found guilty, and Viking 1 landed on Mars. Notable births: Reese Witherspoon and Peyton Manning.

There you have it, America. I hope you enjoyed this walk down memory lane. But, I have to wonder, what did you think back in 1776 when this little experiment in democracy got underway? Things could have gone wonky from the get-go (remember the Articles of Confederation?). You’ve weathered trying times and bloody wars. What if Lee had won at Gettysburg? How would you look today had the Allies failed at Normandy or the Marines not captured Iwo Jima? It’s almost as if you’ve been guided along through these 242 years by a higher power, someone holding things together and pushing back the forces of evil. For me, such a concept is a self-evident truth. It’s something Jefferson was on to when he wrote:

We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Many call this one of the greatest sentences in the English language. I tend to agree. It’s right up there with:

“A government of the people, for the people, by the people shall not perish from the earth.”

America, some other nations out there would like to see you perish from the earth. And to be honest, I am worried that our own internal discord and divisiveness is going to prevent you from reaching your next milestone. Be it 250 or 300.

What’s that, you say? We need more people to do what the delegates did every morning when the second Continental Congress was in session? What did they do?

Oh, right. They prayed.

Good call.

Happy birthday, America!