Sunday, July 22, 2018

Divinely Inspired Terms from the Baseball Dictionary

In each of the past five years, I’ve used my Dickson Baseball Encyclopedia to write an annual blog
about some of the more obscure terms related to our National Pastime. I’ve covered everything from animals to political terms. I’m a bit late in doing so this year, but it’s been a busy season. I’ve vacationed in Ireland and celebrated a milestone birthday. I’ve also spent most of the last three weeks in whirlwind preparations for a 13-day trip to Mozambique. In Mozambique, I’ll be helping out with my church’s orphan-care and church-planting ministries. It will be a fulfilling time, but I am going to miss baseball while I’m away. So, I thought I’d bring you the top Bible and churchy terms from the baseball dictionary. In alphabetical order, and leading off is:

Accept the Offering – to swing at the pitch. The job of the Hebrew temple priest.

Angel – a small white cloud that comes to the aid of a fielder by blocking the sun and therefore making it easier for him to catch a high fly ball.  Would a large white cloud be known as an Archangel?

Ascension (balloon ascension) – an occurrence in which a pitcher suddenly loses his control. The term was commonly framed in terms of spectators witnessing a balloon ascending. See also “Up in the Air”.  Had Jesus been a pitcher, it’s doubtful he would have had ascension problems.

Bag of Bones – extremely thing player. Or what Ezekiel called his famous vision.

Batting Out of Order – the act of a player who appears at the plate out of the proper place in the batting order. During a recent trip to Dublin, I viewed an old version of the four gospels called the Book of Kells in which the four authors, Matthew, John, Luke, and Mark, were batting out of order.

Bean Ball – a pitch thrown intentionally at a batter’s head for the purpose of either moving him away from the plate or to punish him, his team, or another player for something he has done. The first recorded bean ball took place in the fight between David and Goliath.

Beat the Bushes – to look for baseball talent in the minor (or bush) leagues. See Moses trying to put out a fire.

Bible Hitter – A hitter who swings at the first pitch “That feller is a dead first-ball hitter: Thou shall not pass”. With the rising strikeout rates in today’s game, there are more and more Bible hitters.

Body Armor – padded protective equipment worn by batters. Or what David shunned before battling Goliath.

Cardinal Sin – Gambling on baseball or issuing a walk to the pitcher. These transgressions can only be atoned for by sacrificing a bird from St. Louis.

Cross – to outguess an opposing team or player. What Christ did to the forces of hell at Golgotha.

Dying Quail – a pop fly that drops suddenly and unexpectedly, like a bird that has been shot on the wing. Or what the Israelites ate in the desert.

Early Man – A player who takes batting practice before the players who are in the starting lineup that day. Though not stated in Genesis, Adam was an early riser, eager to get started on his daily tasks of naming animals and tending his garden.

Fall off the Table – A curve ball with such a dramatic break that it appears to appears to “fall off of a table”. Or what the dogs waited for food to do in the parable of the Canaanite Women.

Fatted Calf – a player who is not in good physical condition. This is also what teams ate while celebrating their Jerusalem 40 and over rec-league softball championships.  

Give Oneself Up -- To hit the ball behind a teammate on base in an effort to bring him home or advance him to scoring position. This is obvious proof that baseball is divinely inspired. In no other sport are participants rewarded for modeling Christ’s love by placing others (the team) above self (the individual).

Green Cathedral – A baseball park, field, or stadium. The new Jerusalem as described in Revelation is purported to have a Green Cathedral in every neighborhood.

Muscular Christianity – The religious belief, primarily in the 1850s and 1860s that baseball could overcome a negative attitude toward recreational sports. Religious leaders invoked the vigorous physical activity of baseball as a source of moral instruction. Further proof that baseball is divinely inspired. Also there is no such thing as muscular soccer.

Rainmaker – A towering homerun, one that seems capable of rupturing a cloud and bringing rain. What Noah christened the ark two days before the downpour.

Sacrifice – a battled ball that advances a base runner at the expense of the batter being put out. The Old Testament’s method of atoning for sins. Usually a lamb, bull, sheep or bird. Jesus led the Nazareth Little League in sacrifice bunts each year.

Sacrifice Fly – A fly out or pop-up that is hit deep enough to advance a runner. Or when a bird purchased for sacrifice escapes before reaching the altar.

Sacrifice Hit – A bunt that moves a runner to the next base. Or how the priest would first render the sacrificial animal unconscious. Usually with a club or heavy stick.

Sacrifice Hitter – A hitter who makes a sacrifice bunt or fly. In the Old Testament, a sacrifice hitter was the temple priest. In the New Testament, it was the Roman soldiers.

Sacrifice Play – synonym of sacrifice hit. Or what the lambs and baby goats did in the fields before being taken to the temple for sacrifice.

“Say it ain’t so, Joe!” – The oft-heard lament in reference to Shoeless Joe Jackson that came to represent the 1919 Black Sox scandal in which the World Series was “fixed” to accommodate gamblers. Or what Joseph’s friends and family cried when they learned Mary was with child.

Take the Apple – Synonym of “feel the apple”. To choke under pressure. The term is in reference to one’s Adam’s apple. Also what Eve did for the first Cardinal Sin in the original Green Cathedral.

I can’t wait to go to a game when I get home. As they say in Mozambique, “Leva-me ao jogo de bola” (take me out to the ball game). 

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

America's Milestone Memories

Dear America,

For 242 years old, you’re looking good. Of course, realistically, you’re still just a pup. On a recent trip to Ireland, I sipped whiskey in pubs older than 242. Heck, I think even the barstools in the airport pre-dated the Second Continental Congress. The friends I visited in Prague live in a renovated 250-year-old farmhouse. The Hapsburgs were working on their 7th monarch when Thomas Jefferson started rough drafting your famous declaration.

And yet, at 242, I’m worried about you. You’ve got a few issues, but it’s your birthday, so let’s not talk about any shortcomings. Today, we’re celebrating. We’ve got 361 other days to try to mend the places where you’re taking on water. I too am having a birthday. It’s next week and it’s a big one: 50. In light of my milestone, I thought it’d be cool to look back at some of your momentous birthdays.

Sweet 16 (1792) – With George Washington as president, the US Post Office Department was created. It’s also the year that Benjamin Franklin added the term “going postal” to his Poor Richard’s Almanac. Notable births: John C. Calhoun’s wife. Notable deaths: George Mason and John Paul Jones.

21 (1797) – You were finally old enough to drink and you got your second president when GW turned the office over to John Adams. 1797 is also the year that Sam Adams retired as governor of Massachusetts and started his Boston-based brewery. Interesting timing, don’t cha think?

30 (1806) – You decided to put your youthful, carefree days behind you. You had 15 stars on your flag and it was time to put down some roots, puff out your chest, and make a name for yourself. With Jefferson in office, Lewis and Clark returned home after exploring the uncharted territories to your west. Too bad they whiffed on finding the Northwest Passage during their three-year expedition. Ironically, sometimes it takes me three years to cross the Sepluveda Pass on the way out of Los Angeles. Notable births: Jane Pierce (Franklin’s wife). Notable deaths: Benjamin Banneker and Henry Knox.

40 (1816) – You decided to go quietly into your 40s. I understand, 40th birthday parties can often be quite embarrassing. Other than adding Indiana to the union, the only big news from 1816 was James Madison becoming president, defeating Rufus King in the process. Even though Madison is an important figure in your history, I think it would have been pretty dang cool to have a POTUS named Rufus.

50 (1826) –Once again you entered a new decade of existence rather quietly. The strangest news story of the year was the Eggnog Riot at West Point. Apparently, some thirsty cadets turned the academy into a 19th-century version of Animal House with a rowdy two-day, pre-Christmas party. Arms were drawn, arrests were made, and several cadets were court-martialed. Among those not disciplined was future confederate leader Jefferson Davis. Rumor has it that U.S. Grant sent Davis 50 barrels of eggnog after the Civil War. Interestingly, both Davis’ and Grant’s wives were born in 1826. Notable deaths: Jefferson and John Adams, both on July 4th of all days.

75 (1851) – Well, America, you were officially a geezer in the 1850s. Millard Fillmore was your president and you had 31 stars on your flag. The Gold Rush was in full swing and up in Oregon, a coin toss was used to determine the name for a new city. The options were Boston and Portland. I’m happy with the outcome because the Boston Trailblazers just doesn’t sound right. Doc Holliday was born; while Thomas Lincoln (Abe’s dad) and James Fenimore Cooper died in 1851.

100 (1876) – You really went big for your centennial. Alex G. Bell made a memorable phone call (Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you), Tom Edison patented his mimeograph, Custer made a last stand, and the National League of Baseball Clubs was formed. Grant was president, Heinz made ketchup and Adolphus Busch marketed Budweiser. There were no notable births and nobody famous died, other than, well, General Custer.

200 (1976) – The bicentennial. Your first big birthday that I remember. I was eight, and both my parents had afros that would have made Dr. J proud. In the world of sports, the ABA and the NBA merged, which was good news for Dr. J, except that he had to travel to Portland, not Boston, to play the Trailblazers. A pair of Steves, Jobs and Wozniak, formed Apple Computers, Patty Hearst was found guilty, and Viking 1 landed on Mars. Notable births: Reese Witherspoon and Peyton Manning.

There you have it, America. I hope you enjoyed this walk down memory lane. But, I have to wonder, what did you think back in 1776 when this little experiment in democracy got underway? Things could have gone wonky from the get-go (remember the Articles of Confederation?). You’ve weathered trying times and bloody wars. What if Lee had won at Gettysburg? How would you look today had the Allies failed at Normandy or the Marines not captured Iwo Jima? It’s almost as if you’ve been guided along through these 242 years by a higher power, someone holding things together and pushing back the forces of evil. For me, such a concept is a self-evident truth. It’s something Jefferson was on to when he wrote:

We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Many call this one of the greatest sentences in the English language. I tend to agree. It’s right up there with:

“A government of the people, for the people, by the people shall not perish from the earth.”

America, some other nations out there would like to see you perish from the earth. And to be honest, I am worried that our own internal discord and divisiveness is going to prevent you from reaching your next milestone. Be it 250 or 300.

What’s that, you say? We need more people to do what the delegates did every morning when the second Continental Congress was in session? What did they do?

Oh, right. They prayed.

Good call.

Happy birthday, America!