Take Me Out to the Zoo -- Baseball's Animal Terms

The baseball season started two weeks ago. Which means it’s time to open up my Baseball Dictionary for my third annual column of obscure words from our pastime. Coincidentally, the movie Noah hit the big screen the same weekend as opening day, so here are the top animal terms that made it into print. By the way, Noah would have been a great power hitter because he could really swing the lumber.

A is for Albatross Contract – A long-term contract that is so exorbitant as to make it virtually impossible to trade a player. The Mariners and Tigers inked some contracts lately that are completely for the birds.

B is for Bear’s Nest– A shabby hotel. Imagine today’s overpaid millionaires having to stay in a Motel 6? They’d be calling their agents faster than you could say, “I’ll leave a light on for you.”

C is for Cowtail Swing – A long swing of a bat held at the very end of the handle, resembling the looping motion of a cow swinging its tail. Also known as swinging for the fences. See Mike Napoli.

D is for Dog Robber -- A derisive term for an umpire in reference to his integrity. With the adoption of instant replay, we should have fewer dog robbers making the calls this year.

E is for Eagle Claw (A well-shaped fielder’s glove) and an Elephant Jockey (A big cumbersome player). Most elephant jockeys in the big leagues don’t own an eagle claw because they’re too rotund to play in the field.

F is for Fat Cat Syndrome – The pattern of a team that falls apart the season after winning a championship. I hope the Redsox experience a serious fat cat syndrome this season.

G is for Gopheritis – A mock disease in which a pitcher is unable to keep the ball in the ballpark.  Or what Tigers pitchers experienced while facing David Ortiz in the playoffs last season.

H is Hippodrome – The Hippodrome was a vaudeville palace in New York City. In baseball it is a fraudulent game in which the winner is determined beforehand. In it’s verb form (hippodroming), the word refers to the act of gamblers bribing players to throw a game. See Black Sox Scandal.

J is for Jackrabbit-- a player with great speed, (Syn. Zebra) or Jackrabbit Ball (a baseball that seems to carry much further than most regular baseballs). Teams need an outfield full of jackrabbits to track down jackrabbit balls hit into the gaps.

K is for Kangaroo – a player who leaps or takes high strides while running. The Dodgers and the Diamondbacks opened the season in Australia where kangaroos actually delivered balls to the umpires in their pouches.

L is for Lamb or Lambaste – A lamb is a young ball player, while to lambaste is to bat a ball extremely hard (Syn. Whale). The majors are filled with lambasting lambs: Stanton, Longoria, and Goldschmidt. But my favorite is Mr. Trout, who can whale the ball to all fields.

M is for Monkey – A poor hitter, so called because he makes a “monkey of himself” in a futile attempt to get a hit. The Angels have a couple of monkeys receiving albatross contracts.

O is for One-Eyed Cat – A playground variant of baseball using only home plate and first base. I’m not sure how fun this would be. Probably about as exciting as a game of Pickle with only two players. Which is also known as “playing catch.”

P is for Peacocking – Pinching the front of one’s jersey and plucking it several inches from the chest. See Yasiel Puig.

Q is for Quail-High Hit – A base hit that sails over the infield at the height that a quail flies when flushed. A weak quail-high hit can be just as important as a three-run homer, especially when it defeats the Yankees. See 2001 World Series, Game 7.

R is for Rug Rat – A small, but intense, player. See Dustin Pedroia and Rabbit Maranville.

S is for Sitting Ducks and Snakes -- A Snake is a good curve ball and a Sitting Duck is base runner that is tagged out by a wide margin. Sometimes a missed snake on a bunt attempt can leave a runner as vulnerable as a sitting duck.

T is for Turkey – Syn. of home plate. Speculation says that this 19^th-century term popped up because home plate was likened to a turkey platter.

V is for Vulture – A relief pitcher, typically a middle relief pitcher, who receives credit for a win to which another pitcher was more entitled. A vulture loves to record one out in the top of the ninth to retire the side and then earn a win when his team rallies for a walk-off victory.

W is for Workhorse – An honorific term for a tireless pitcher who appears in many games or a large number of innings during a season. In today’s game, the workhorse has been put out to pasture. Last season saw four pitchers each notch a league-leading four complete games. Which makes real workhorses like Steve Carlton, Gaylord Perry, Fergie Jenkins, and Sandy Koufax shudder in disbelief.

Old Noah could have used some workhorses. Maybe then it wouldn’t have taken him 100 years to build that boat. Oh, and by the way, Noah’s favorite ball player? Arky Vaughan, of course. Who, incidentally, died from drowning.