The Wide World of Baseball

Baseball is now a global sport. Players on the 30 Major League rosters hail from 21 different countries. Last year, the Dodgers and the Diamondbacks opened the season with a series in Australia. And every two years I hear reports about something called the World Baseball Classic, though I’ve never watched any of it. And since the baseball season is two months old, it’s way past time to open up the Baseball Dictionary for my annual column of obscure terms from our pastime. This time I’ll be circling the globe for the top geographical terms from its 974 pages.

  

A is Australian Wool – This term came from the supposedly livelier ball in 1919. Apparently, all the heavy hitters of the PED era obtained their steroids from Melbourne, Sydney, and Canberra-based pharmacists.

B is for Baltimore Chop – A battled ball that hits the ground close to home plate and then bounces high in the air, allowing the batter to reach safely. Or what protestors do to police cars in the Charm City.

C is for a Cuban Sandwich – A confidence-boosting batting-practice pitch thrown by slugger-turned hitting instructor Tony Oliva. Also the top-selling menu item at Marlin’s Park.

D is for Death Valley – A particularly deep outfield area in a given ballpark. Ironically, Coors Field in Denver boasts MLB’s largest outfield while being the stadium sitting the highest above sea level.

E is for Elysian Fields – A popular recreation spot in Hoboken, N.J. and the site of the first baseball match games in 1845. The name is derived from Greek mythology for “Elysion,” the name of the Isles of the Blessed and came to mean paradise, or any state of perfect happiness. And isn’t that what every baseball stadium is?

F is for – Finnish Baseball – A jacked-up version of baseball where the bases are arranged in a Z-shape fashion and the basepaths get progressively longer. The rest of the differences are too crazy to describe. Seriously, Finland? Stick to hockey and saunas would you please?

G is for German Ball Game – Another crazy European version of baseball from the late 1800s. Over the years dozens of major leaguers have been born in Germany including current stars Heinz McCutcheon, Fritz Harper, and Dutch Kershaw. 

H is for Hollywood Hop – A batted ball that takes an easy bounce into a fielder’s glove, which presumably makes him good enough for the movies. With 16 errors already, A’s shortstop Marcus Semien won’t be getting his SAG card anytime soon.

I is for Irish baseball – The style of baseball played by the 1890s Baltimore Orioles whose manager and more than half of the team were of Irish extraction. Some notable Irish ballplayers from that squad include Lefty O’Doul’s, Homer Baileys, and John McGuinness.

J is for Japanese Liner – A Texas Leaguer in the Pacific Coast League. Or two-thirds of Ichiro Suzuki’s 2,873 hits.

K is for Kentucky Wonder – A pitch thrown close to the batter. Hitters such as Giancarlo Stanton and Jason Heyward are currently wearing protective face guards thanks to bean balls that knocked them all the way to Paducah.

L is for Louisiana – A fastball. Louisiana is known for its bayous and fastballs have been labeled “Linda Ronstadts”, thanks to her 1977 hit single, “Blew By You”.  

M is for Massachusetts Game – Another early variation of baseball that was popular in Boston in the 1800s. Though not officially cursed, the game was so lame that the top Boston team went 86 years without winning a championship.

N is for Nine Miles – a dugout exaggeration for the distance traveled by a long ball. Or every homer hit by Marlin’s slugger Stanton.

O is for Oregon Boot – The figurative shoe of a slow runner. In Oregon penitentiaries they use a ball-and-chain type appliance with this moniker. Also the name given to Price Fielder’s cleats by his Rangers teammates.

P is for Pittsburgh Chopper – a batted ball that bounces over a fielder’s head. All but two of the hits in the 1979 World Series were either Baltimore chops or Pittsburgh choppers.

Q is for Quarry – a rough infield. See my high school infield. The varsity baseball coach, Bob Newman, used to make the JV squad pick rocks out of the infield. Little did we know that he carted in wheelbarrows full of granite before the first snow.

R is for Route 66 – A winding course taken by an outfielder. I really needed the KC outfielders to hit Route 66 in the playoffs against the Angels last year.  

S is for Syracuse Car – A railroad car in which the rookies rode. These days the rookies make enough to buy all the cars in Syracuse.

T is for Texas Leaguer – a blooper that lands out of reach of both the infielders and the outfielders. Or what you call the Josh Hamilton trade between the Angels and the Rangers because it landed out of the grasp of everybody’s understanding.

U is for Uecker Seats – The highest nosebleed seats in a ballpark and a reference to Bob Uecker’s Miller Lite commercials. I’ve been in some stadiums where Stanton couldn’t reach the Uecker Seats with a Nine-miler.

V is for – Valahalla – The place where baseball greats go after death. A term of Norse mythology bolstered by the fact that Lou Gehrig was buried in a cemetery in Valhalla, NY. I’m praying there are no Trouts in the Valhalla phonebook any time soon.

W is for Williamsburg – The bullpen in right field of Fenway Park where Ted Williams launched many a home run. Also the resting place of Torii Hunter after David Ortiz blasted a grand slam to bury the Tigers in Game 2 of the 2013 ALCS.

Y is for You Can’t Walk Off of the Island – Advice given to Latin-born players from island countries (esp. the Dominican Republic) that, to attract the attention of scouts, they needed to show the ability to hit and not the patience to draw walks. Also what Ginger and Mary Ann shouted during the Over-the-Line games of Gilligan and the Skipper vs. the Professor and Mr. Howell.

Z is for Zone – A synonym for the strike zone. Also the dieting book distributed during spring training to all players wearing an Oregon Boot.