A is for Answer the Bell – For a relief pitcher to be warmed and ready to pitch when summoned by the manager. Also, an appropriate term for how teachers all over the world responded to the challenges of the pandemic.
B is for Book-crazed – Being overly obsessed with baseball statistics. Or a teacher’s favorite kind of student.
D is for Doughnut – A common name for the heavy, round bat weight used for warming up in the on-deck circle. Or another name for the little zeroes I had in my gradebook for missing assignments.
E is for Eraser Rate – A statistic marking a team’s success at catching opposing base stealers. Also, the speed at which a teacher can clean the whiteboard. I once strained my rotator cuff trying to increase my eraser rate.
G is for Go the Distance – To pitch a complete game. Or when a teacher can go the whole school year without taking a sick day. It took a global pandemic for me to go a year without taking a day off.
H is for Happy Feet – The moving feet of a batter who starts toward first base while contacting the pitch. Also, the tell-tale sign of a student who needs to use the restroom.
I is for Intestinal fortitude – Courage. Not to be confused with gastrointestinal fortitude, which is what all teachers must develop in the early years on the job while learning to limit bathroom breaks to recess and lunch.
J is for Juiced Era – Synonym of Steroid Era. Or the name of the current period in my school district since we started serving all students breakfast in the classroom.
K is for Kickball – A variation of baseball, popular during elementary school recess. Also played by adults, including yours truly. There’s not a school day rough enough that a lively game of kickball can’t cure.
L is for Laminate – To hit the ball extremely hard. Also, the process of turning a piece of paper into a reusable, plastic-wrapped poster, that will survive into eternity.
M is for M is for Mental Error – A mistake when a player (or a student) is preoccupied, forgetful, or distracted. Many a mental error has caused every teacher to pull their hair out while grading papers.
N is for No Trade Clause – A clause in a player’s contract that permits him to be traded only with his consent. Not to be confused with dependent clauses, independent clauses, and never start your sentence with becauses.
O is for On Paper – Said of a team that should perform well without injuries or slumps, judging by the names listed on the roster. Thanks to Google Classroom and a recent pandemic, “on paper” is no longer the preferred technique of writing an essay.
P is for Pythagorean Method – A formula for predicting the expected winning percentage for a team in a given season. Third-grade math is getting so hard under common core that for some students it feels like Euclidean geometry.
Q is for Question Mark – A player whose immediate future is uncertain because of injury, illness, or any of several other problems. Also, the outlook for how this fall is going to look regarding masks in the classroom.
R is for Run On – To attempt to stretch a hit into extra bases. Also, the name for a response from a student to a simple question that develops into a story about their breakfast, their dog, their grandma, unicorns, mermaids, and their favorite YouTuber.
S is for Strike Zone – The imaginary box over home plate that defines a called strike. Also, the area of pavement in front of my school where I walked the picket lines in the 2019 labor dispute.
U is for Union hours – Nine innings. “I only work union hours,” said no teacher ever. To quote a meme I saw recently: “teachers work before work, so we have work to do at work. Then because there’s not enough time at work to do all our work, we have work after work to catch up on all the work we didn’t do while at work.”
V is for Veteran – an experienced professional baseball player. Teaching is so complex and ever-changing that by the time you finally feel like a veteran, it’s time to retire.
W is for Wheeze Kids – Nickname for the 1983 Philadelphia Phillies, who won the National League pennant with a roster that included several older players. Also, children with asthma whom teachers must monitor closely during PE.
Y is for Yakkers – Mean, sharp-breaking curveballs. Also, those lovely children that constantly talk and chatter all … day … l … o … n … g.
This tough year did have some silver linings. For me they were learning how to bring more technology into the pedagogical process and collaborating with colleagues to help each other survive, learn, and stay sane together. It was a year of isolation, but with the support and connectedness of friends old and new, I survived. I just hope we never have to answer the Covid-19 bell ever again.
