Baseball enthusiasts around the country will be watching tonight’s
Major League All-Star Game. For sports fans and non-sports fans alike, staying
current on local, state, and most certainly national politics has become more
popular and important that ever before. If you don’t have a favorite baseball
team, you probably have an opinion how the country is being governed. Baseball
and politics have a long-standing connection. Sitting presidents have thrown
out first pitches dating back to William Howard Taft. Capitol Hill has hosted
hearings on everything from player strikes to performance-enhancing drugs. And
sadly because of last month’s unthinkable shooting at a republican practice
field, I learned that there’s an annual congressional baseball charity game. Because
politics in America have become so polarized, I thought it was time to try to create
some national healing courtesy of the national pastime. So from the Dickson
Baseball Dictionary I bring you my bipartisan listing of baseball’s top
political words and expressions.
A is for Antitrust Exemption – A 1922 unanimous SCOTUS
decision that removed baseball from the antitrust laws. Or when a manager
inserts a pinch hitter because he believes the batter can’t get a hit.
B is for Big League – A synonym for the Major Leagues. Or
President Trump’s favorite adjective to describe his every thought, idea, plan,
and policy. Also pronounced, “Bigly”.
C is for Chicken on the Hill – A homerun hit by former Pirate
Willie Stargell. He owned a chicken restaurant in Pittsburgh’s Hill District.
Whenever he homered, the person at the counter would receive free chicken. Also
known as a congressman who votes along party lines instead of what’s best for
his constituents.
D is for Defensive Average – An estimate of a player’s
fielding efficiency, comparing the number of plays he makes to the number of
balls hit into his vicinity. Also the statistic used to quantify the number of
times a sitting president supports a policy move compared to the number of
times he blames his predecessor.
E is for Ecological Fastball – A fastball that seldom
exceeds 55 miles per hour. Also the name for Nancy Pelosi’s pitch to create the
House Select Committee on Energy and Global Warming in 2007.
F is for Federal League – An eight-team professional league
back in 1914-1915. It was the last serious attempt to establish a third professional
league. Players in the Federal League were politically independents, libertarians
or Green Party members.
G is for Get Naked – What a coach might yell to a pitcher
who seems to be losing his concentration. Or Bill Clinton’s favorite executive
order.
H is for Human Rain Delay – A batter who takes a long time
preparing to receive each pitch. Also known as a filibuster.
I is for Isolated Power – A measure of a player’s
performance in hitting for extra bases. Or what a president really has when the
opposing party controls congress.
J is for Joe Bush – A college ballplayer, especially one who
shows his lack of experience. Not to be confused with Jeb Bush.
K is for Kangaroo Court – A clubhouse tradition in which
senior players assess small fines to teammates for on-field miscues such as
missing a sign or not running out a popup. Currently, Reince Priebus presides
over the White House’s Kangaroo Court collecting almost daily from Trump and Kellyanne
Conway for blunders on Twitter and during interviews.
L is for Ladies Day – A promotional event offering women
free or reduced admission to the ballpark on certain days. Or what January 20,
2017 would have been called had Hilary prevailed.
M is for Magic Wand – The bat of a player who is getting
several lucky hits. Or what democrats across the nation wish they could wave to
take us back to last November 8.
N is for No Trade Clause – A stipulation in a player’s
contract that prohibits him to be traded without his consent. Or what Trump
threatens to impose if efforts to renegotiate NAFTA breakdown.
O is for Older than Baseball – An expression conveying age,
similar to “older than dirt”. Also used to describe current Congressman John
Conyers, who at 88 years old, has been serving since 1965. See also Orin Hatch
and Patrick Leahy.
P is for Press Box – An area within the ballpark reserved
for sportswriters and broadcasters. Or a synonym for the battles between the
media and Sean Spicer.
R is for Revenue Sharing – The collective term for proposals
to reduce the disparity between large-market clubs and small-market clubs. See
also Bernie Sanders.
S is for “Say It Ain’t So, Joe” – A famous lament that came
to represent the 1919 Black Sox scandal in which Shoeless Joe Jackson and seven
of his White Sox teammates were accused of throwing the World Series. Also, one
of the last things President Obama whispered to his VP before Trump took
office.
T is for Tiffany Card – A baseball card issued by Topps
between 1987 and 1993 that was known for its higher prices. Or what Secret
Service members say they’ve drawn when assigned to protect Trump’s youngest
daughter.
V is for Vacuum Cleaner – An excellent fielder. While
regarded as an underwhelming president, it’s a little-known fact that Herbert
Hoover was a tremendous infielder before entering the political arena.
W is for “Wait ‘Til Next Year” – The plaintive mantra of
fans whose team has once again fallen short of expectations. Or Elizabeth
Warren’s 2019 campaign slogan.
Y is for Young Hopeful – A promising player who has not yet
established a record. Or what dems had labeled 30-year-old Jon Ossoff before last
month’s Georgia’s special election.
There you go everybody. Enjoy the game and play ball.
