Names of the Game

Baseball is back and reality is certainly stranger than fiction. The story of the early season has been a rookie shortstop in Colorado named Trevor Story. Nobody in Hollywood could script a beginning like Trevor’s: a pair of homers on Opening Day and seven total in his first six games. From Coco Crisp to Urban Shocker, baseball has always been filled with colorful names (such as the list compiled here). As we come to the end of the first month of the season, I thought it was time to peruse the Dickson Baseball Dictionary for the best baseball names within its 974 pages.

A is for Al Capone – As in a double play or a “twin killing”. The new slide rule means that base runners can no longer get away with murdering defenseless middle infielders.

B is for Baseball Annie – A generic name for any unattached woman who favors the company of baseball players. Harriet Bird, played by Barbara Hershey in The Natural, is the most notorious Baseball Annie to date.

C is for Carmine Hose – A nickname for the Red Sox. Or what Italian players in Boston such as Dom DiMaggio, Rico Petrocelli, and Tony Conigliaro, called their stirrups.

D is for Dexter Meadow – A synonym for right field. Not to be confused with Cubs centerfielder Dexter Fowler or former journeyman reliever Brian Meadows.

E is for Edison, as in Thomas Edison – A pitcher who is always experimenting with new pitches. With team ERAs all over 5.58, the Reds, Brewers, and Rockies are looking to Menlo Park for some new pitching inventions.

F is for Father Chadwick – A player who is past his prime and has outlived his usefulness, in reference to the venerable sportswriter Henry Chadwick. At age 42, and the oldest players in the big leagues, both Bartolo Colon and Ichiro Suzuki are the current Father Chadwicks.

G is for Garrison Finish – A game in which a team comes from way behind to win. It is said that a true Garrison Finish requires the winning team to have been down by at least five runs with two outs in its last at-bat. Last year the Royals staved off elimination with a Garrison Finish against the Astros to by scoring five runs in the 8^th inning of Game 4 in the first round of the playoffs.

H is for House of David – A nickname given to several barnstorming teams whose distinguishing characteristic was that all the players wore long beards. The unshaven slobs of today’s game could all take up residence in the House of David.

Justin Turner is the Resident Assistant in the House of David.

J is for Jesse James – An umpire. It’s a players’ term because the umpire “robs” from them. Back when only two umps worked games it was common to call the duo “Jesse and Frank” or the “James Brothers”. Before instant replay, Tigers’ pitcher Armando Galarraga filed a motion to have the term switched to “Jim Joyce”.

L is for Linda Ronstadt – A fastball that “blew by you” in reference to Ronstadt’s 1977 hit single "Blue Bayou". Today’s game features so many hard-tossing hurlers that many strikeout victims are returning to the dugout wishing that they had more than “Just One Look”.

M is for Michael Jackson – A batted ball that bounces “Off the Wall” in reference to the King of Pop’s 1979 album title. Jackson originally wanted to call the album “Over the Fence,” but back then producer Quincy Jones considered Michael to only have warning-track power.

P is for Peggy Lee Fastball – A fastball that travels more slowly than expected, or has nothing on it. Batters who see the pitch are then reminded of Lee’s 1969 sad song, “Is that All There Is?” See Jared Weaver and his 80-mph fastballs.

R is for Reuben’s Rule – The legal decision allowing fans to keep foul balls based on a 1921 case in which Reuben Berman sued the New York Giants after being removed from a game because he refused to give back a ball hit into the seats. Berman won the suit and was awarded $100 for mental and physical distress. This year fans in Atlanta, San Diego, and Minnesota should sue their respective clubs because of the poor product on the field.

S is for Sammy Vick – A ballplayer who overeats in reference to a Yankees’ outfielder in the ‘20s who was “noted for possessing one of the most voracious appetites in the big leagues.” Sammy Vick in Spanish is Pablo Sandoval.

T is for Tom Brown – A feebly hit ball. See anything hit by the Angels and their league-low .217 batting average.

U is for Uncle Charlie – A curveball. I could watch Clayton Kershaw deliver his Uncle Charlie with my hair on fire.

V is for Van Heusen – A synonym for collar, which refers to a batter going hitless for a game. Albert Pujols recently went 0-for-a-week. And given his salary, he can afford new dress shirts for everybody in Orange County.

W is for Wilson Pickett – A skillful defensive player who uses his “Wilson” glove to “pick it” in reference to the aforementioned soul singer. Bill Buckner is said to be the first to name his glove Wilson Pickett, which is somewhat ironic considering, “… that little roller up along first”.

Z is for Zimmerman – A bonehead play, in reference to New York Giants third baseman Heinie Zimmerman (who apparently made some crazy miscue in the 1917 World Series). According to the stat Win Probability Added, Daniel Murphy of the Mets made the second biggest Zimmerman in World Series history last year. Second only to Bill Buckner and his gloved named Wilson Pickett.